BLUE ULBE BLUE ULBE BLUE ULBE

All right, all right, alright, orrite, er, bleaurgh, what am i supposed to say now?  Errrmmm...
Words.  Yep, more words, issuing forth from the plastic clatteration which will shortly settle down into something less like automatic writing.

Ooh, i know!  Cliff Richard, who has dead eyes apparently, once made an LP called "Good News".  Its cover looks like this:

http://www.chartstats.com/art.php?release=36540

That reminds me of NaNoWriMo and people's peculiar tendency to find it hard to write.  Writing is easy, particularly with a word processor or a computer.  For instance, i can do this:

Good News good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news  good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news  good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news good news .

However, the quality of my output there is not high, and this is the problem.  I once filled two pages of an exercise book with the words "BLUE ULBE" repeated over and over again in a sort of chessboard pattern.  That was easy but time-consuming.  Nowadays, things like that are not time-consuming, though presumably they will once again become time consuming what with the end of the world coming up an' all.

People want quality though.  They prefer writing not to suck, and this is my problem.  I never know if anything i do is good or bad, not just in writing but in all situations.  It is, however, particularly relevant to my attempts to write because i can't stop myself.  Some famous sculptor once said that it was easy to sculpt, say, Mercury out of a block of stone.  It just involved removing all the bits which look unlike him.  In a similar way, good writing is easy.  You just write stuff which isn't bad, or write anything at all and remove the bad bits.  How is this relevant?

Well, it might be relevant because it appears to descend very rapidly into nonsense to many of today's ears, unless the object between them happens to have a degree in English, has recently emerged from a time machine, or maybe if the ears are deaf.  Come to think of it, even the first bit probably sounds like nonsense to most ears, partly because those organs are usually placed elsewhere than on either side of an Anglophone human brain.  They're more likely to be on the shins of a cricket, the head of a frog or in other places rather unpromising to comprehension.  On the other hand, they might be quite useful to small animals as a signal that a large, dangerous animal is in the vicinity, and those same ears might be quite useful to prove that when a tree falls in a forest, lots of tiny ears respond to the sound, and maybe everything is a tiny ear, so there's no such thing as a tree falling in a forest when unheard and therefore that it always makes a sound unless that forest is for some reason on a small planet orbiting Delta Pavonis which has lost its atmosphere or something.

Meanwhile, here is an edifying document of unknown quality:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/115310503/blueulbe

And then of course, there's this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HypmW4Yd7SY

and this:

Bye.

"Quaffing pints of your own wizz"

That's a quote from Bill Bailey's character Manny in season 2 episode 1 of 'Black Books' when he recounts his time in the "tourist swamps" of Sumatra (or possibly Borneo) drinking his own urine.  This is of course what my "secret" video is about, just here:

Our YouTube channel has long been one of those channels with one very popular video accompanied by a large number nobody ever watches.  That one popular video is of course Liz drinking her urine on national television, which i have now taken down in case it violates copyright.  I have now replaced it with a video of me drinking my own urine for the first time, something i did this morning.

Urine therapy is a touchy subject for me about which Liz and i have differences.  My own attitude is that since the human body invests so much energy in filtering urine out of the bloodstream that it's probably a bad idea to put it back in again like i just did.  I didn't find it disgusting taste-wise, although of course i did knock it back rather quickly, but the thought that there is now wee inside my stomach rather than my bladder is somewhat disconcerting, as is the facts that i could still taste it over an hour later and that it repeated on me when i burped.  I've decided that if nothing untoward has happened after five hours, which is the amount of time food, but not liquid, spends in the stomach on the whole, i'll be fine.

Urea, the main nitrogenous compound in urine (it also contains ammonia), is diuretic.  This suggests that if you have healthy kidneys and are not dehydrated, it could be useful for fluid retention or the excretion of compounds which are otherwise hard to shift.  Unless it's the excess fluid i drank to dilute it, i can confirm that it does indeed seem to be a diuretic as i keep having to empty my bladder.

There is also the issue of "heat shock proteins", which are basically the idea that "whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger" - putting the body under a low degree of stress is good for it.  Drinking urine does this of course, so maybe there's something there.

There are various suggestions by those who believe in urine therapy about how it might be beneficial.  It does also reintroduce certain useful substances to the body, notably hormones. Drinking it also crosses a tabu line and in that way is probably a helpful exercise, and overcoming one's own disgust suggests mastery of one's own body, something which could be beneficial in functional disorders if generalised.  Additionally, the application of urea to the external environment is recognised as beneficial in some circumstances such as skin disease because it helps hydrate it.  The "external environment", incidentally, does not mean the body surface - it means the skin, surfaces of the digestive system, the insides of the lungs, sinuses and remarkably, in women the lining of the womb, uterine tubes and even the abdominal cavity!  Not that urine in all of those places would be a good idea.

Therefore, i may have just "quaffed my own wizz", though nowhere near a pint, but I would consider it self-deception and rationalisation to conclude that it was actually good for me to do so.  Hence the experience for me is of doing something which is definitely not a good idea but probably not particularly harmful, like getting drunk, smoking a cigarette or getting a body piercing or tattoo.  I'm not planning to repeat the experience.