There was literally no video yesterday for the first time since theintrostealer went to college, mainly because i was tired. Whereas i normally make religious videos for Sundays, i decided to talk about this instead. The reason i started making YouTube videos was to prevent the empty nest syndrome from developing. I think i'm trying to continue a nurturing role with the children having become more independent and having the college take over their formal education. After a few months, i decided to make the April Fool fake pregnancy video and in order to do that, i decided to take female hormonal herbs and fill my belly with air. Ironically, the hormones themselves have reduced my motivation for making the videos, which might also explain the gap). What i found, however, was that when i started to take the hormonal herbs, it was like some amazing revelation, like when i put glasses on for the first time and realised what i'd been missing, because it didn't feel like i was taking a drug at all but more like filling a need i'd always had. I have in fact used phytoestrogens before, but they've always been weak or negative herbs (herbs which work as a whole even though each constituent has no apparent relevant action). There is also a clear parallel between an "empty" belly (i.e. one full of air rather than a foetus) and the empty nest.
So, what i think has happened is that my mid-life crisis is to do with gender. I have basically decided to reject my masculinity, which is helped along by the testosterone decline ("andropause"), so instead of buying a sports car or having masses of affairs, for me it's an opportunity to become more feminine.
There is, incidentally, something i'm avoiding talking about in all this, but i can't do that without upsetting people, so i don't.
Yeah, that last point right now is an unscratchable itch. I really, really should take a blood sample but the microscopes are - well, somewhere. The one i have is Anyway, along the lines of the less testosterone action the better, surely that means the andropause is a good thing? There's presumably a decline in oestrogen action too, but from my perspective it seems to mean it'll get slightly better as i get older, and this has never occurred to me before.
I wonder, though, if this idea would appeal to men in general. Rather than there being a crisis of masculinity as such, there's a crisis of youth. As men age, they back out of masculinity and become more hormonally feminised, so they no longer have a crisis on their hands.
I actually skipped a video yesterday for the first time since i started doing this. I'm also procrastinating on the cell video to some extent because i want it to be good, and the Turing Test is also on the to-do list.